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AGUEST SAID
Unfortunately, given variables such as culture, country, and laws, dear Skal (peace to you!), sometimes things like this aren't as cut-and-dried as we'd like them to be. Perhaps you or I would say, "No, this is abuse and she should just take her kids and leave!" Question is... leave... and go... where? The post doesn't say where she is located; however, it DOES say that spankings aren't illegal where she is. So, maybe there's a shelter, maybe not. Maybe her parents/family (or even his) will help, maybe not. It's really easy to be on the outside looking in and concluding what another should do. It's not so easy from the inside, though.
Many folks, female AND male, don't grow cahones over night, in situations like this. Sometimes... it takes time. What can YOU do? Let her know she isn't alone, that abuse like this occurs everywhere... and in many, many religions, and not just among JWs (although it is prevalent there)... and share any accounts you might know of of folks who've experienced similar and how they dealt with/got out of it. That might not only help her "see" how she can handle her own plight, but perhaps even give her the strength to do so. When one believes, even erroneously, that they ARE alone in their "sufferings"... believing there is a way out, let along seeing one... isn't always easy.
What this woman DOESN'T need, though, IMHO... is more "beating" from folks like us. Obviously, she is already unsure of herself... and thus her own POWER... most probably born of a deficiency in her own self-esteem (which might be traced back to HER upbringing/culture).
But she doesn't need judgment from us; I mean, what good is THAT going to do... for her OR her children? I left an emotionally abusive relationship almost 20 years, not because I was angry, per say... but because I was TIRED [of it and how it made me feel, literally]. Which reminds me of a "story" a dear one told me once, that I believe is very appropo in MOST abusive situations:
A young vacuum salesman was traveling down a country dirt road when he spotted an old house off to the side. Tired and thirty, he stopped off to maybe sell a vacuum, as well as get a drink of water. An old man came out and invited him up on the porch where the two sat chatting for a bit. While they chatted, the young man noticed that the man's dog, who was lying on the porch, would intermittently heave a huge sigh. The dog did this several times, which prompted the young man to ask, "Hey, what's wrong with your dog?" To which the man responded, "Nuthin'."
"Why does he keep sighing, then?" the young man asked.
"Oh, that - well, he's lying on a nail and it hurts," responded the man.
"A nail?!" cried the young man. "Well, why doesn't he get OFF of it?!"
"'Cause it don't hurt HARD ENOUGH," said the man.
I think you get my point: people rarely take steps to change their pain... until they can't bear it any longer. This woman apparently isn't there, yet. What will it take? None of us can say. It SHOULDN'T take as much as seems to be going on here but... well... again, none of us knows HER tolerance level. If she was similarly abused as a child, may be her tolerance is "high."
Just my $0.05...
Again, peace to you!
YOUR servant and a slave of Christ,
SA
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